Someone once said that you don’t have to be like everybody else in order to be ushered in with red carpets. So what does it take? You just need to be irrelevant until you’re relevant. Samson in the Bible was different. Saul before he changed to Saul and specialised in tent making too was different: he witnessed the stoning of Stephen and kicked asses like no business. Jesus was different. Sharia Law was different and even Rapper Riak Riak, too, is different. This earth is like a tight underwear. You must struggle before you put a napkin around your neck and start dinning with kings and queens. And that’s why when Salwa Suzy chose to throw in wet towels and go for her passion of saving humanity with her tiny hands; she did not have to go back or utter the words like ‘I wish I could rewind.’
Well, you and I should know that Salwa Suzy is not that girl whom you might know from the neighbourhood with sunglasses even on rainy days. No she is not the same. She is not as well the receptionist from your office who do not smile to visitors in jeans and t-shirts. How do I say it? It’s irrelevant! Yes! It’s irrelevant sometimes.
Salwa Suzy is a young and brilliant woman who has beaten so many of us in the hustling game. Imagine you walk into to the house, your mom and dad are seated having a heated discussion about their joint account and then you announce that you’re in love with Jimmy? Can you imagine that? Yes, that’s how sex coaching was received by deep thinkers of South Sudan. “So what’s sex coaching?” I asked her.
“A sex coach is a trained professional who helps people with sexual, intimacy, relationship and marriage issues.”
I asked Salwa Suzy what it’s like to be a sex coach, and there she gave me her answer. The bad thing about some careers where you’re not seen as a doctor, lawyer, an engineer or pilot is that; to some, you’re not as important as others. This could be because of those empty dreams that we had from childhood. I personally remember when I was young, I used to tell my teachers and family that I would be a lawyer one day. Throughout my life, maybe because I was in love with how they were smartly dressed when I was living my best refugee’s days. That’s okay and understandable as it was. By the time I graduated from high school, I was interested in writing news and in magazines. This, to me is the dream I have up to date. It’s still hanging, though.
Now, every time Salwa Suzy introduces herself as a sex coach, mouths open wider and most eyes zoom out of their sockets. Some, online, have suggested that she has gained enough experience from prostitution to the extent of tutoring. But that’s not the case, though she hasn’t told me, because it’s an irrelevant topic to discuss. I believe Salwa Suzy is in a long term happy partnership with one man and her partner is happy with her dream job. Even though she has dusted her hands in the modeling industry in the UK and Uganda, another terrible career according to our society (before moving to South Sudan permanently). Salwa Suzy is enthusiastic about helping your families and mine in counseling and resolving those issues that you ignore or the blind spots that you rarely see.
While at campus, I remember a situation where couples used to fight every now and then on things like the boyfriend peeing and forgetting to flush after use. Well, where you and I were brought up or where our parents brought us up, these were nothing to fight for at all. But yes, let the past bury the past. Whether you know it or not, there has been a lot of challenges that women have been going through lately; especially the fact that they will have to empty their tanks while sited unlike us men who can irrigate anytime, anywhere. There is more than too much that women go through when it comes to infections. Marriage is more than eight well-arranged letters. But in real sense, it’s more than just wearing a white dress on a muddy street of Munuki. Anything can make an impact in your marriage, including how you sip your coffee or chew your food. And when things have gone to that extent, that’s why gifted coaches like Salwa Suzy come in as your sent from heaven above to save your marriage.
Well, it’s your responsibility that you and I understand that not every mad man needs a mental doctor. Yes, marriage counseling/coaching is a mechanism to reshape your path and bring you back to the highway of growth and prosperity as one.
“What I have done to my clients and how they have been coming back to appreciate me melts my heart,” she said. At first, everyone else except her thought she was not going to make it. Yes, she wasn’t going to make it like others have tried and it didn’t work out for them. But then again, she is different: strong, focused, and have a heart of a lioness. Giving up is not in her dictionary. And even when I asked her how she felt about the comments when Hot In Juba featured her on their page, she simply said “Zack, I’m used to the ill comments. The same things they used to say when I travel to the UK for my modeling work. Some would even say I’m traveling there maybe because some sugar daddy sponsored my trip or meeting one there.” And yes, that’s the iron girl.
It’s not a surprise to me and every South Sudanese. A girl getting a decent job in Juba is assumed by the majority to have slept with the Human Resource Manager or the boss of the company. One of the boys getting the latest iPhone in Juba is screwing someone of old age or the daughter. To some extent, it might be true but the wind does not blow from one direction.
The basis of this coaching is to enhance smooth learning among the couples and their surroundings. As a couple, you have the liberty to discuss challenges and move according to the plans. Yes, plans. If I agree to escort you to the salon, I expect to be informed earlier enough so that I cancel other plans I had in mind or at least reschedule them. Developmentally, making decisions need the two of you to sit down as a committee and work on everything. However, there are times when things do go to the south and the communication becomes hard.
“Some couples a time reach to a point where they don’t talk. It’s just a matter of ‘yes’ or ‘no’ and then that’s all.”
“So how do you convince them?”
“First, you let them accept that they’re not doing it to impress anyone. First, what’s good for each one of them is the key thing that they should always understand.”
There is this situation where being “busy” is used by couple to excuse each other especially if they’re in a long distance relationship. Well, some if one of them is working in Pibor and the other in Juba, then, there are high chances at times, they may not talk every day. Reason being that, network reliability in those areas sometimes could be unpredictable. This is in good faith. However, if one of them lives in Gudele and the other in Munuki, and they don’t afford that effective communication then there is a big problem.
“Communication is one of the challenges that we have. Most couples go into a relationship and after sometimes, they don’t want to talk about things among themselves and that’s why most people with vast knowledge come in.” Sometimes, there are some gross negligent acts among ourselves; especially the men: we don’t talk of everything to our partners just like we do at beer joints with our friends during soccer.
Salwa Suzy says she hasn’t had any clients that are physically tortured but mentally. “You know there are so many people who have entered into marriages and they’re internally bleeding. Some got married out of sheer ignorance, whilst others were pushed until they said ‘yes’ out of their will.” And I agreed 100%. Somewhere last year, in Duk, Jonglei State, there was a young girl; about seventeen or less whom I was told a story. She got married to this abusive man somewhere in Duk and they moved to Bor with the husband and started a new life. Then in a few months, the man started exercising his muscles on her. It’s so bad that the lady could receive beatings frequently more than the malaria tablets whenever she was sick. I came across the story when somebody that I know narrated this to me. It reached to a point where she was resorting to committing suicide. Now the reason why we bring up this story is because it’s for you the readers to understand that there are people that take in too much in their marriages. To larger extend, the women fraternity. To some extent, yes, to the male version that are suffering from this emotional breakdown. And now that there is no any functional public facilities to report these to, it’s your duty and mine to eradicate this behavior whenever we have the means.
Otherwise, Salwa Suzy has chosen the path to heal people on that accord. A sex coach or a marriage counselor is not an individual that is interested in lecturing about sex positions and our attitudes in bed. They’re people that are willing to heal everyone from the unspoken challenges in relationships. There is a common saying that goes, “a problem shared is a problem solved.” Share it if it is worth solving. Your identity and everything remains unmasked until the end of the world. Contact Salwa Suzy on Whats’App on the business hours.
+256781043438 / +211923577276